Relative Matters

Why do we call the people in our families “relatives”?  It is because they exist relative to us.  Each of us is the star in our story and others move about relative to us.  From their perspective, we exist relative to them.  Dyads and triads — to infinity and beyond.  

No one is an island.  We exist in a cosmos of unceasing relativity.  Nicolaus Copernicus showed us that we and our planet, while far from being the center of the universe, exist relative to the star we call the Sun.  Isaac Newton revealed that our moment by moment experience is the product of invisible forces including gravity and inertia that compel us in relative directions unforeseen and unplanned.

We remember Albert Einstein for his theories of relativity.  Only doctoral level physicists truly understand them, but they make life and all of existence possible.  There are two of them.  The first is called the Theory of Special Relativity.  The second is the Theory of General Relativity. 

This seems backwards to me.  I usually start with something in general.  For instance, when I get hungry I want food in general.  Then I get specific about the menu.  General is good, but special is, well, special.  But since I’m no genius I should stick with the order Einstein came up with.

Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity would teach us that from whatever angle you look at your relatives, they seem to remain the same.  You may change and grow, but they never seem to and they seem to think you never change either.  There is something quintessential about apparent changelessness that imparts to us a sense of security and control.  Most of us know what it is like to be treated by relatives as if we’re stuck in a time warp.  It can help to have a sense of I know what you’re trying to do to me!

Which leads to Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity.  It says that we can never escape the influence of our relatives.  Even as we leave home, we take them with us, for good or ill.  It is amazing how no matter how far we go, their pull on us remains the same.  We think “out of sight, out of mind,” but we forget that relativity is more a matter of the heart.  We are who we are because of them, generations upon generations.  This is what fuels genealogical research.  I’m 57% __________.  That explains a lot!

Einstein called this spooky action at a distance.  The scientific term is quantum entanglement.  In quantum physics, entangled particles [i.e. relatives] remain connected so that the behavior of one has an immediate impact upon another, even when separated by thousands of miles.  Remember when you were just thinking about your mother and the phone rings and it is her?  Did you ever react to a sudden situation and hear your father’s inflection or tone in your voice?  Have you ever been on the other side of the world and bump into someone who knows you through your Cousin Eddie?

Spooky.

Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott would remind us: “You canna change the laws of physics.” Being a relative is a cosmological constant. We exist in a manner that is contingent upon others. Contingency is a related word. It has to do with having a connection with or impact upon something or someone.

The Internet defines contingency in three ways — each carrying increasing anxiety:

1. To characterize a group united by a common feature, forming part of a larger group (e.g. A contingent of Swedish businesspeople will attend the conference).
2. To exist or occur only if certain circumstances are the case (e.g. The job offer is contingent upon a clean background check.).
3. To be subject to chance.

Every family knows how the quality of Christmas is impacted greatly depending upon the contingency of relatives that show up.  Cousin Cletus and his feral offspring aren’t coming?  We won’t have to apply for Federal Superfund dollars to clean the place up again this year!

But there’s that General Theory of Relativity again.  Even when they’re not here, they’re still here.  Larry the Cable Guy might say it this way: You can pick your friends, but you’re stuck with your relatives.

The Special Theory of Relativity offers us some hope.  It asserts that space and time are contingent on whether the objects are moving at a consistent speed in a straight line.  It seems to me that the gravity well of relatives can be accounted for by simply adjusting one’s speed and direction.  This will not be easy, because it will take great determination to change position and trajectory.  This is what adult children do all the time.  Through marriage, work, politics, and other concerns they establish a new place for themselves in the relative cosmos.  

It never ends.  We react to the relative position of others, only to become those with whom others behave relatively.  It is probably not possible, nor advisable, to become totally relative-less.  No one wants to become a rogue planet in the cosmos – drifting, lifeless, and pointless.

But that’s a different discussion about meaning.  It’s all relative — or not.